Getting to deeper answers without making your client feel quizzed

Estate planners distinguish themselves as true trusted advisors—- by gaining the confidence of their clients and ultimately their clients’ children. They know that to achieve this excellence they must do two things simultaneously. One, they need to assist their clients in recognizing his personal inner wisdom, and second, prepare and execute the necessary legal and financial documents. When clients focus on the wisdom they possess, as well as their tangible wealth, they create not only an estate of tangibles, but a lasting legacy.

So how is this done? How does a trusted advisor guide clients to speak about their wisdom? How do you move beyond the tangible details and create a plan that takes into account wisdom? The answer is in using a conversation rather than direct questions.

When you simply ask questions, such as which child will inherit the jewelry, or how do you want to split up the ABC Investment account, or who gets the summer house, you miss an opportunity. Questions allow you to gather the necessary information but what is often left out is the underlying thinking, specifically the client’s reasoning. In response to a question your client gives you an answer, one they think is appropriate, not what they truly think.

By engaging in a conversation you gather the necessary demographic information and your clients wisdom. It is the client’s wisdom that influences his decisions. Distilled from life experiences, family traditions and values, our wisdom is cultivated over our lifetime. The advantage you gain from having this information is that you save time because the documents you create match your client’s wishes.

Let’s consider a familiar scenario. It begins as you greet your client at the front desk and escort him into a conference room. Everyone gets their coffee, sits down and gets comfortable. Then there is a bit of small talk. It usually feels like a news report. How is everyone doing? What do you think about the stock market? Recognizing everyone’s time is valuable small talk is kept to a minimum.

As the expert you focus on your goal and move quickly onto the questionnaire. Like a tennis match, you lob the questions and the client and the spouse volley the answer back. Imagine how much more efficient it would be to gather this substantial amount of information in a more natural manner.

One of the standard questions is about heirs. How many children do you have? To which philanthropy do you want to leave a bequest? A trusted advisor sets himself apart by using the open ended technique. An example is: There are many individuals and philanthropic organizations that are important to you who are (then pause) The pause is important. It gives your client the opportunity to name their heirs and tell you something personal about each one. As you listen, the flow of information will provide insight into the quality of the relationship your client has with each person and/or philanthropy. Knowing your client’s hopes and concerns provides an early advantage as you design an estate plan that compliments the client s view of these relationships.

As you listen you will want more information regarding statements that are made. For example, your client states that he doesn’t believe that his youngest child will be able to earn a living as a teacher. You are not clear about his concern. Does he think the youngest child has poor judgment? Does he believe that the youngest child doesn’t have the skills to be a teacher? Or, does he believe that he will do this for a few years and move onto something else? The most common way of inquiring is by asking questions. Such as, you talked about your concern about paying for your child’s education? In place of a question use the phrase tell me more. This allows the conversation to continue and flow and your client does not feel like he is being quizzed. By not interjecting a question the amount of information you obtain increases. Remember, your client is telling you very personal and intimate information. Tell me more expresses a genuine interest. Your expertise is strategizing. With more information your job is easier and your role of trusted advisor is strengthened.

Putting yourself in your client’s shoes gives you powerful insight. Your client brings to the planning process his own life experiences and world view. Investing the energy to learn their perspective increases the clarity of  communication. It shortens the time you will spend explaining the estate plan, as you will be able to put it in terms that aligns with the world view of your client.

Conducting the conversation in this manner shifts the view of estate planning from one of death and taxes to having an ongoing legacy. The future can be viewed from a today perspective one of engagement. Furthermore, the advantage of building a relationship allows you to keep your client base growing. Distinguishing yourself in this manner increases your client base because when people know you are listening and understanding them, they spread the word.

In your next client meeting try one of these techniques. Like anything unfamiliar, at first it may feel awkward. Have a conversation using open-ended statements and use the phrase “tell me more” a few times. As you listen put yourself in your client s shoes. In your notes mark the information you obtain using these techniques. Upon review you will observe that you have gathered a considerable amount of information. Over time your own style will emerge.

Additionally you can collaborate with Inheriting Wisdom™: The Legacy Process That Reaches Across Generations. Inheriting Wisdom has a variety of programs designed to meet the diverse needs of clients and their families and can guide you to help your clients develop clarity about their wisdom. Begin today and distinguish yourself.