Graduations, marriages and births fill this season. These are among a few of the transitions that many of you, or those close to you are experiencing today. Each milestone requires you to change, to move your life ahead into the future. With each step you take, you have choices to make.
Richard and Elizabeth watched the graduation ceremony with pride as their son Benjamin accepted his degree. Benjamin sat during the ceremony half listening to the speaker saying he has the opportunity to use his education to make the world a better place, as mostly he worried about his future. Many choices lay before him.
Accepting your free will to make decisions to build a successful life also means taking responsibility. When this statement is presented to different generations, their opinions and outlooks vary vastly. Those of the next generation tend to apply their technological skills and current life experiences. As they interact and connect with the seasoned generation, who are more knowledgeable and more experienced, conflict usually ensues.
The younger generation view themselves as technologically savvy and quick learners, which is accurate. When they enter the work place they believe, because of these skills, they know a lot (what they don’t know they can easily learn). Most of their relationships are online and global. They are able to do business with someone across the globe, such as China, never having to meet them face-to-face. Because of these skills and relationships, they believe that they deserve to move quickly up the ranks. They are confused and irritated when those above them don’t respond positively or on the timetable they expect.
The seasoned generation is not as technologically facile. Most of their relationships are with people they know, either through work, social or philanthropic causes. Yet they have a wealth of experience. They have made many decisions; some have worked, and others have failed. They value face time and view e-mails as a necessary distraction.
So how does each define a successful life? The next generation wants to get to the top, following their definition of work and family. They want recognition and freedom. They truly believe they are doing what is required to get ahead; networking online, instant messaging, while maintaining a work-life balance. For some a successful life is about working in a field for which they have a passion. For others the successful life is always just out of reach. For those who are continually striving, they believe the failure to get ahead is because others do not recognize their skills. They attempt to connect with others or be involved with their community. However, their perception is that they know the right way to do things and it’s their superiors or parents are wrong or missing out.
Alyissa, one of the next generation, is entrepreneurial. The job opportunities in her field are limited so she wanted to start an online business. She brought this idea to her parents, who were less than enthusiastic. She presented her product and business plan, however all her parents saw were the missing pieces and a limited potential that would not allow her to support herself.
Her parents as part of the seasoned generation have wisdom, but have difficulty expressing it to Alyissa. Wisdom is the integration of one’s guiding principles and beliefs, family culture and tradition and life experiences. For them a successful life is achieving a level of financial independence, being able to provide for their family, connecting with others and being involved with the community.
How do both generations bridge the gap to build successful lives and satisfying relationships, when on the surface their definitions seem to be polar opposites?
The first step is to clarify that both generations want to build a successful life and both generations have wisdom. This sounds trite, but often one generation is talking about financial success, while the other has a wider lens and is referring to life and the components of financial, family, community and the world.
The next step is to accept the differences, as evidenced by actions. Recognize that both parties bring value to the relationship. The seasoned generation questions the quality of the personal relationship that is primarily conducted via e-mail. Pictures and phone calls are great, but getting together is also important. The resolution is simple; make time to get together. As the next generation holds tight to their point of view, they cannot afford to be dismissive of the experience of the seasoned generation. That entails turning off the Blackberry™, phone or computer while getting together, and giving their full attention. For both, patience and a wider perspective will allow sharing.
Building a robust relationship leads both generations to share their ideas of a successful life. Neither is required to embrace the other’s outlook, just to examine the viewpoint. This necessitates tolerance and respect by both parties.
Richard and Elizabeth can start a conversation with Benjamin about his future and its possibilities. In that conversation they can ask Benjamin about his thoughts and how he defines a successful life. Alyissa can have the same conversation with her parents.
Of course, it is essential to accept that conflict will occur and not let jealousy or greed prevail. They will be present, however when jealousy or greed takes the lead, they color the relationship. They limit the exchange of beliefs and ideas.
We pass on our traditions from generation to generation. We expect each generation to achieve more than the one before it. The key to a successful life is building and maintaining quality relationships at all levels. This begins by focusing on wisdom and creating a positive perspective. If each generation can bring their wisdom to a relationship, then it can grow. The successful life will become a natural outgrowth.
Dr. James M. Weiner and Dr. Carolyn Friend are creators of Inheriting Wisdom ™: The Legacy Process That Reaches Across Generations. You can contact them at wisdom@inheritingwisdom.com.
